I blew out my 27th birthday candles, it seemed as though things we’re really starting to fall into place. I built a business from scratch and had it up and running for over 2 years,and I am always surrounded by the most positive and uplifting people.
I couldn’t ask for more, everything I’ve ever wanted since I was 18 has manifested into my life. I get to witness people every day transforming and becoming the best versions of themselves. This ignites me and makes me feel so alive. The only thing that was missing was really knowing who I am beyond my career. I began to base my entire life around it and somehow through all the hustle and bustle began to feel a little lost inside. As my search for identity deepened I began to ask myself these important questions: what is my ultimate purpose? What does it mean to be in a loving and harmonious relationship? Why is this lingering feeling of incomplete still persistent in my life?
They say you’re twenties are the years where you are supposed to “ find yourself” and experiment with different things,and it’s not unusual to feel lost in sometimes. I’ve been working on myself for awhile now, peeling off the layers of self-doubt, and really trying to have a better understanding of my inner self.
There’s something really empowering about stripping down and digging into your subconscious mind to uncover things and put the pieces together. I have realized that it’s ok to explore our own shadows and I know that coming out of the other side will be a whole new person with new love, strength and hope.
After going through a break up 7 months ago, I had never really delt with the feelings, distracting myself with triathlon training and any other challenge that presented itself. I didn’t want to experience the feelings of loneliness, sadness but most of all I didn’t want to accept the fact that I had to start dating all over again. The whole process just seemed to arduous to me, but I did it anyways.
In fact, I dated and dated, I became curious and open to different people. I was dating without intent because I didn’t even know what I wanted or who I am. After 3 or 4 months I got frustrated and slowed down, I spent more evenings by myself, dealing with my feelings and sometimes just crying it out while listening to Bon Iver. I practiced yoga, read self-development books and attempted meditation.
Then I had this moment and a sudden epiphany, I booked a solo trip to Spain. After spending months getting comfortable in my own presence I thought what better way to get even more comfortable than travelling alone.
I didn’t even question myself, I gathered all my stuff and was ready and excited to take this journey. After being back the whole trip seems surreal, I have flashbacks to sipping presecco on the beach, walking through villages, meeting the locals but most of all I think back to how free and open I felt.
It’s as if all the chatter in my head was gone, you just live in the moment and take it for what it is. I built connections with so many people, shared the most intimate parts of my life with them and even cuddled with strangers. I realized how fluid I was, I never felt so comfortable walking the streets of Spain. It really felt like my home for the time being.
After returning home, It’s as if everything has more meaning, I notice more detail and things around me seem fascinating. I went for coffee with a few friends and I was totally present and engaged they way I was when I was travelling. This purpose of this trip was to explore myself and my interests that I put on hold for awhile. Most of all it was an eye opener, it made me question and ask myself how I ever struggled with anything up until now.
There’s something really empowering travelling alone ,taking that time to be by yourself and work on putting the pieces together. I have realized that it’s ok to explore our own shadows and I know that coming out of the other side will be a whole new person with new love, strength and hope.